Which Sexual Positions Bring You Closer To God?
I am sure many of you are curious as to why a young nun, such as myself, would take on the topic of sexual positions as they relate to one experiencing a closer relationship to God. Know this: nuns devote their lives in service to their religion. Religious sisters are tasked with serving their communities by helping the poor, through teaching and through providing healthcare. The topic of sexual positions touches on all three of these services. It is always our goal to bring those in our care closer to God, and we do so by guiding followers through prayer, as well as through overt actions.
When those in our flock are afflicted by poor sex, they are more likely to stray, experience unhappiness and cast blame on their partner. Some people are poor financially, some live poor lifestyles, while others are just POOR IN BED. Most of those in the last category are men, or so we have been told. As a nun, I am tasked with helping the poor, so fellas, know that I am here for you.
I am positive many of you have enjoyed peak sexual experiences where one or both partners can be heard shouting “Oh, God, oh God, don’t stop” and other similar expressions of divine connection. This is a good thing, right?! Though I’ve not experienced this personally, I did have the opportunity to observe this behavior at a recent novitiate retreat when we secretly binge-watched Outlander on my iPhone after lights out. For all you fellas, this series is a good place for you to start. The show is produced by women and my general takeaway is that the guys in every scene of intimacy knew "the ropes." Whew! It sure seemed that way, at least. I spent a lot of time in confessional this week, lol.
Not prohibited by the Church
The Outlander women were definitely CONNECTING WITH GOD and I can tell you this… Jamie and Claire did not stray. And everyone in that show was Catholic (except the English invaders). If you feel clueless about women generally and in particular about the female anatomy, this series will fill in all those gaps, so to speak. It lays things out plain and simple. I recommend you check out all 6 seasons. And I think your female partner will agree that dressing in a kilt is really helpful. There is no sin in that from what I have read in the catechism teachings on sex aids (https://www.catechism.cc/articles/use-sex-toys-catholic-marriage.htm). Kilts are not mentioned.
So which positions are best for men and which for women, you ask? After exhaustive research on XVideo, my conclusion is that just about anything goes for men (and know that as I took the time to view hundreds of videos, I can say this with some authority). Also, men seem able to enjoy a “spiritual experience” in nearly any setting.
Even a rooftop with a dumpster is fine for most men
Women are a bit more complicated and that’s where it is worth doing a bit of exploration. The “bible” on Catholic sex is apparently “Holy Sex!” by Gregory Popcak, PhD. The reviews on Amazon are certainly worth a read, if nothing else. And then there is the issue of “marital aids.” Pope Pius XII has a lot to say on this subject and the gist of it seems to be you cannot use anything with a cord or batteries (“it is intrinsic evil any full use of the GENERATIVE POWER outside the natural conjugal act”). This seems hypocritical to me, as there is considerable anecdotal evidence suggesting priests and bishops have been privy to all sorts of non-procreative aids (and "acts") for centuries. So perhaps take all of the pope’s edicts with a grain of salt, as there is never any appreciable punishment doled out to the clergy when they transgress on these issues. Just saying. On the other hand, perhaps hold off on that order at Good Vibrations until you’ve had a sit down with your parish priest.
Several articles in Women’s Health seem to be a good spot to get the ball rolling. Maybe start with their four recommended "positions." AND THE KILT.
Playing "dress up" is fine in the eyes of God... no batteries or cords